I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
