Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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