someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You ruined the universe
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
