i don't plan on having that self control this summer
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
