she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
