before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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