is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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