Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
