oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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