so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize