she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
