Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This is my gift to your gina
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
