She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
