She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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