Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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