; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize
