with your own penis?
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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