the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She made me pour olive oil on her.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
