We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
