i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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