i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
