smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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