i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
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