yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
