You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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