I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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