There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize