i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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