I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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