yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
