is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
