Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
