no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
