Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
