I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
