You're completely useless in the revolution.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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