I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Reggie can tackle my bush.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
