Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
