what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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