I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she told me i tasted like america
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
