In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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