Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
