Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
