I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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