In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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