I should be sponsored by Trojan
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
