That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
