I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize