i think i have herpe
just one?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
