ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
