why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
