Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
