i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
