i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
