I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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