apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
