my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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