dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
