never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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