The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
