Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
