It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
