Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We are two peas in an std pod
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize