then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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