You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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