do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Couch. On fire.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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