going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
how drunk are you?
Several
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
