yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
