i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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