The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
