I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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