it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
His hands were made for my vagina.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
