Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
