Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We are two peas in an std pod
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
