i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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