he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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