Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
