Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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