im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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