You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
