when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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