my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize