physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
