Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
