she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
