Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
