Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
